A Tale of Two Hoes

In 2018, I moved to New York City. Fresh out of the extremely difficult break up of a very long-term relationship, I decided I felt fine and dated... a lot. I was initially conflicted about it. I'm usually not a person that dates around and I loathe the superficial way that apps like Tinder and Bumble handle dating, but I had just moved to this new city and knew very few people, so why not? I had around 2-3 dozen dates over the course of roughly a few months. Just dates, almost never with more than a hug to part us. Honestly, I wasn't really trying to fuck anyone I wasn't exceptionally interested in, so I didn't end up fucking any of them... well, maybe one. Definitely one. Anyways, I quickly discovered that people can be depthless and boring just about anywhere in the world, even in an incredible, competitive, intensely stimulating place like New York. I stopped using the apps after those few months. Meanwhile, I continued to be hit on at parties... and hit on at parties... and hit on at parties. Most of the women were gorgeous, but again, almost completely uninteresting. To be clear, I'm certainly not complaining about being hit on. It's great. However, even after doing my very damndest to steer all of these conversations with these absolutely gorgeous people in an interesting direction, they rarely ever went anywhere worth hanging around for. In fact, there were a number of times I left those parties without saying goodbye to anyone because I just didn't care to have those awkward parting exchanges with some of those people. That brings us to... let's call her... Model Art Hoe. I often share photos on social media and came across this model who was easily one of the most beautiful women I'd ever seen. She had a huge following, excellent taste in photographers, and her portfolio was diverse - editorial, product, swimwear, etc. Then I noticed she was based in Brooklyn. I slid in the DMs to see if she'd be at all interested in shooting with me. Turns out she was. We agreed to meet up and shoot. My intentions going in were to be purely professional. I take my work very seriously and it's incredibly important to me that I don't cross any professional boundaries in a shoot. Turns out, we had a lot of fun working together and ended up having a great time hanging out after the shoot. She ended up asking me out the next day. As you might've guessed, I had a ton of internal conflict and wrestled with the question for days before - Just kidding, I said OF FUCKING COURSE and we went out the very next day. From there, we were essentially inseparable for months. It was a beautiful relationship. We were deeply in love and passionate and sexually compatible and supportive and artistically collaborative... it was all going great! I mean... other than the times she would flip a switch in her brain and decide that, after literally praising my existence minutes or hours prior, I was a piece of shit. Despite me giving her what I felt like I was a very mutually respectful relationship in which I put a lot of trust in her and expected the same. The trust unraveled on her end despite me literally giving her zero reasons not to trust me. We nearly broke up and then got back together... then I broke up with her for good by the end of that weekend. She had just gone too far on things and I couldn't continue if I wanted to maintain any sense of self-respect. I know what I have to offer, and she was not anywhere close to meeting me there. I broke up with her the week before I packed up as many possessions as I could into suitcases and fled New York due to Coronavirus concerns. We had actually planned to quarantine together at her family home. Dodged a massive bullet there, am I right? That could've just been horrible. Anyways, this novel is now bringing us to the present: My return date to New York is quickly approaching. She's been coming to mind more. I'm tempted to reach out. I almost want to believe she's had enough time to grow and realize that she was emotionally abusive to me, but I truly don't know if it's been long enough. On one hand, I think it'd be foolish to think she's had any breakthroughs. On the other, I kinda really fucking wish she would because she meant a lot to me at the time, and so much of our relationship was good. It was just these occasions that she'd kinda lose it, and they gutted me. I don't know. I'm obviously conflicted here. What do y'all think? Thanks in advance. — Sincerely, Camera Art Hoe

What We're Sippin': Dirty Martini

Where We're Sippin': A park bench or an outdoor bar, preferably with some live music in the background. Anything that will allows for peaceful sippin's, with healthy distractions.

Mother Teresa

I am so sorry you have been treated this way; no one has the right to mistreat anyone. NO ONE. I must ask, what is your intention for reaching out? That is an important question. Do you want to get back together? Do you want to be friends? This is something you need to define for yourself. If you still have feelings for her and think that her behavior was due to personal reasons having nothing to do with you, then call her and see if that has changed. If she meant so much to you, I think it’s worth reaching out and seeing where she’s at and where you are at. But I would caution you that emotional abuse is very real. It could very well be that she is a bully and abusive and, though most of the time these traits are a result of something in the beginning, it’s very hard to change and cannot be done by a layman.

Ginger Ále

Mother Teresa is (and always has been) much more eloquent than I: a disclaimer.

In regards to this novel (which, thank you for the details, by the way!), it appears to me that you are somewhat starved for a dating life again. You went from 36 or say, 48 dates in a few months, to a passionate (in) love affair, to many months with nothing at all. It’s bound to take a toll. But I would caution you do not let it mess with your head (or any other body parts).

That being said, I am an avid believer in having zero regrets. Seriously, I have a bit of a phobia when it comes to regretting actions not taken, etc. If I were you, I would give yourself time to settle back into a somewhat more “normal” life in New York. Maybe reach out to different people (energies) you find to be fulfilling and interesting. Un-starve yourself a little. Then, when you feel a little it more at peace, consider a conversation with her, in your head. If you saw her on a park bench, would you stop? What would you say? What do you really want to say? And go from there.